Everyday Tidbits...

Be Kind. Do Good. Love is a Verb.

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Weekend Reflections 11/4

Looking outside...it's clear at the moment, but rained yesterday and last night. It's fall. I love this weather.

Listening...to silence. The Doctor went to see a patient this morning. The boys are still asleep.

Loving...the cooler weather. Bliss. Absolute bliss. I wore long sleeves, a sweater, a long denim skirt, boots and a scarf yesterday. 

Thinking...that we need to get our Christmas lights up this next week because I don't know what the weather holds and you don't want to do it in the snow or ice. We won't turn them on until Thanksgiving evening.

In my kitchen...Crio Bru now and I'm not sure about dinner, yet.

Wearing...fuzzy Minion jammies, cream turtleneck and black slippers.

Reading...what's that again? It takes so much effort. I have been working on The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown and The Confectioner's Tale by Laura Madeleine.

Today...Thor: Ragnarok with the family. Woot! Looking forward to spending some time together just us.

Quoting..."Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others." -- Brené Brown

Feeling...I am weary. It's easy to say you're tired or exhausted, which most of us probably are. But weary just seems to better fit where I am.

At the risk of complaining, I am weary of working in health care. I am weary of trying to get insurance companies to actually pay for services rendered. I am weary of wondering how to make ends meet as we work to build this practice. I truly don't understand how people can work for an insurance company and still maintain ethics and morals. Those who sit in their little gilded offices and make arbitrary decisions without consideration for the real people their decisions affect? You are evil. And the Health and Welfare Department? You're useless. Well and truly useless. You don't care either. You just make excuses. And Medicare? You're even worse. Seriously. Do you people even work? Because no one answers your phones and if they do, they send you to some other department because you've got the most unorganized convoluted system. I think you do it on purpose because you're not going to cover most costs anyway, but this way you discourage everyone from even trying to get claims filed or paid. I think you're the spawn of the devil. Truly. I'm weary of dealing with you all.

I am weary of obligations. Obligations to family. Obligations to church. Obligations to people, whether business or personal. I am weary of doing for others at the expense of myself and watching my husband do the same. He serves and he gives and he cares. And it takes its toll because so many just take what he offers and don't give back or don't offer anything in return. And that's not what he expects, but sometimes I wish all those he serves would realize and appreciate it and show him some kindness, and show an interest in him and how he is doing.

I have a strong faith in God. But sometimes, I don't have that same faith in church. To me, they're different. A church is the avenue by which belief is spread. God's teachings are true, but people in a church are human with faults and flaws and problems. I am weary of church. Because sometimes we take advantage of others at church. Sometimes we take those who serve quietly and well for granted. The Doctor and I call it the curse of the squeaky wheel and the shining stars.

In any church, you're going to have the people who always have needs above everyone else, whether they are emotional, financial or whatever. They are the squeaky wheels; they take energy and time. And then you have your shining stars. Those people who are always in a leadership position or whose children are always put before everyone else as the shining examples. Those people whose real claim is that they live in the right neighborhood or have a high property valuation, not that they are skilled or qualified. But they stand before us and shine. And then you have your regular people. Those faithful ones who do what they're asked to do, who always show up when asked to set up or take down chairs or drive the youth someplace, or teach a class or take someone a meal. Those people you know won't flake out on you. But, just because those people may not be out in front squeaking or shining, that doesn't mean they don't have needs. They do. They need to know they matter; they need to know they're heard. They will burn out too. And I'm weary of church responsibilities.

Be aware of those around you. Be aware of those with whom you work and serve. Be aware of those in your family. Just because we don't squeak and we don't live out our troubles on Facebook doesn't mean we don't have them.

I'm sorry not sorry for venting. I'm truly just weary of life.

Be kind, do good. Love is a verb.

Planning...there is always something ahead. The calendar is always full. 

Gratitude...for the men in my life. It goes without saying that my husband and children are everything to me. Everyone thinks they have great kids, and you probably do. But mine? Mine amaze me. I love that they are kind. I adore that they love each other and want to spend time together. I love seeing their talents develop and watch who they are becoming. And I like who they are becoming. 

From my world... 



The Snake River. 

I love Idaho. I love the beauty of this beautiful state where I live. I love that this view is just down the road.

What about you? What are you reflecting on this week? How has your week gone?

2 comments:

  1. I understand what you mean about the difference between God and church and feel the same way at times. I'm with you on insurance companies, too - they do all they can to keep from paying legitimate claims.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh we all need to vent to keep sane. Some of us do not have the courage to say what needs to be said.

    ReplyDelete